THE DINNER PARTY (A POEM)

I, like millions of fellow country men, love Ganesha. This poem is inspired by a short story about his delightful childhood. Thanks to my Dad, who never missed an opportunity to get us suit-case full of National Book Trust’s colourful and amazing story-books on Indian Mythology -whenever he would travel to Delhi-my head is crammed with these wondrous tales. This one was a child-hood favourite, as anything to do with food, instantly grabs my attention. Food and Fiction are my sinful dalliances. Here is the story on which the poem is loosely based.

When Ganesha was so hungry that he threatened to eat his host, Kuber

Kuber, the god of wealth, was a haughty man. One day, he went to Kailash to invite Lord Shiva and Parvati to come to his place and have dinner, while in actuality he just wanted to show off his riches to them. However, Lord Shiva had other engagements, so he asked Kuber to take Ganesha with him instead, as Ganesha’s love for food was legendary. Shiva asked hesitatingly, if Kuber would be able to feed him properly. Kuber, thinking how much a kid could actually eat, agreed to take Ganesha with him. 

Now was Kuber's real test. Ganesha finished every single morsel in the house and asked for more! When Kuber requested that he wasn't left with any more food, Ganesha threatened to eat his host! Panicked, Kuber rushed to Kailash begging Shiva and Parvati to tell him a way to satiate Ganesha's hunger. Parvati smiled and gave Ganesha a tulsi-leaf that calmed him down and Kuber had, well, learnt his lesson! 

THE DINNER PARTY

O’ho Ji, get dressed now, I feel like drenching you with the vinaigrette

You don’t seem to understand, this is a party and you cannot be without dressing

I am not a salad; my husband mildly opined

O’Ho Ji, I wish you were, I have a dozen on the table, but salads are never enough

There’s Waldorf, and Ceaser but those are very common like you

There’s Honey Mustard Chicken, 

Avocado + Bacon Salad,

Grilled Chimichurri Chicken

 Avocado Salad, (mixed with Quinoa)

Grilled Chilli Lime Chicken Fajita Salad,

Salmon and Avocado Caesar Salad.,

Skinny Lemon Garlic Shrimp Caesar Salad., 

Greek Lemon Garlic Salad and  

Thai Chicken Meatball  Salad

One more would have been more useful; but No.

 I wouldn’t allow you as a Salad on my table

As you are not dressed.

Then I have piping hot soups and cold Gazpacho too- at least ten of them

 Let me count the starrr-ters

1.      Stir Fried Chilli Chicken. 

2.     Paneer Tikkas. .

3.    Aloo and Dal ki Tikki. ...

4.     Cheese Balls. ...

5.     Chicken Satay. ...

6.     Bhuna Masala Chicken Wings. ...

7.     Tangri Kebabs.

8.     Kakori Kebab

9.     Galauti Kebab (for Gajanan (my guest) had had his dentist’s appointment today morning)

These are the Indian ones;  then I have horse snip radish canapés…

The door bell rang

My heart just sank

I had my best silver-ware cutlery out, and the bowls were a dull polished gold

They loved everything antique and old

We didn’t want to come across as the nouvea rich or nivea rich whatever that means

My glasses were short and long tumblers too-short for what, you ask?

Well…the shots- what else?

Long for Island tea, advised my Butler

But God knows why, my heart just sank

Though everything was in control

O’ho ji go now at least, I screamt

I shoved my dressing-less husband into the off sight

I had gone to their home last week,

Arey, to invite them of course!

‘Please excuse us”, they said so softly- I had to crane my ear,

“Gajanan will surely come.”

Who would name their son such, I thought so old and dated

Any way I smiled my widest

“Welcome, welcome, please bring all your friends and their friends too!”- I gushed

“No need  to give any number of people, food is enough to feed our Army stationed at Siachen.”

I stole this line from last night’s episode of my favourite Arnab Gowswami-dashing fellow- though with crooked shoulder

Any way I digress

Now I tell you, why my heart sank

Gajanan entered my grand hall, did not even see my Eco-friendly 15 feet  Chocolate Ganpati adorned with Swarovski Crystals from Innsbruck – it is a trend what to do, can’t do kanjoosi with Ganpati.

We plan to bury him in Milk- 500 litres no less

I have called papparaji to shoot the Visarjan, also post it on Instagram and Twitter-the orphans drinking the chocolate milk.

Anyway I digress

Who are these people Beta, I ask Gajanan with my sinking heart

These are my Friends, Aunty

They have come from far away places like Una in Gujarat,

Alwar in Rajasthan,

some are from Jharkhand and

some Tripura

-they have been wronged by us and needed some cheering up.

I gathered my jaw- it had fallen to the floor- I swear on Ganpati

These are the people- I removed my silver spoons, gold bowls and called in a Spanish chef to serve the Gazpacho for?!!!

These rich people- ‘old’ rich people give too much freedom to their scions

Look what they become- calling such paupers ‘friends’!

Oho’ji now you know why my heart is sinking since morning

I have always been very inductive

Any way I digress

Thank God for dessert I didn’t serve Falooda

They made one already out of my ‘Izzat’!

“No need for rsvp”, “I have enough food to feed our army in Siachen” , I had boasted

Now see my table

These people had wiped the bones clean, bowls clean, every morsel was finished.

“They needed this Aunty, God bless you, for giving them the time of their lives, Aunty.” said that stupid goose Gajanan.

Husband recovered his jaw before me.

Time for some more dessert- he declared grandly

When he saw they had demolished all my soufflés and Belgian Waffles (imported from Brussels with whipped cream, topped with strawberries from London-no less!)

He announced

Let’s have our Visarjan today!

He broke off  a piece of the crown of my Chocolate Ganpati!

I glared at him till my eye balls popped out to join my jaw on the floor

Visarjan today? Without the Pandits, Pooja,  Dholis, without papparaji ?

Gajanan had brainwashed my Hubby too.

Gajanan did the honours- broke off huge chunks of ears and progressively my whole Ganpati.

They all chewed noisily- my still ‘withoutdressing’ Hubby invited our staff too.

They feasted on my Ganpati silently.

Peacefully

Did I dream the look of satisfaction on their faces?

I collected my jaw from the floor

And chewed on a piece of his nose.

I joined the Dinner Party too.